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None of those are good reasons to be poly, Kapowsin IMO. In fact, it doesn't even sound like polyamory or open relationships speak to your heart. In which case, I think it's important to examine your motivations and choose from a place that does speak to it. For myself, a very important aspect of being poly is allowing my relationships to take on the shape which suits them best. Another is not using poly as a means of shoring up or glossing over problems in an existing relationship. This includes shirking relationship work, and "compromise" which really amounts to win/lose. If it really is confusion on your part, you could try mentally going through the different scenarios and seeing how you feel about them, though based on what you said, it sounds like your gf might have different motivations. I personally don't do hierarchical poly or primary/secondary/toys on the side poly, so obviously my view on it is different to what you're trying to make work. Still, hearts are hearts and I find both what your gf says and what you've said and haven't said to be troubling. And whatever the case, there's certainly no rush to get into an open relationship. I think the two of you have more talking and soul searching to do before you proceed. Not to mention, whoever either of you get involved with has a heart of their own. Hello CL! I am a college student, making a video documentary about Trans experience with government institutions. I have seen people post similar things here on CL, so I thought I'd give it a try. My project touches on very personal issues. I this message doesn't sound negative because it is blunt. I am hoping to find someone who is Trans, they can be trans male or female, who is a welfare recipient, has been to jail, has gone through the process of legally changing their gender, or has engaged with state institutions in some other way. How did being trans shape your experience? Did class and money also shape it? Did race have an effect? Would you be open to talking about your experience on film? I have a vision of filming my participant at the given institution (the welfare office, the DMV, the courthouse, etc). It is a documentary, so the setting would give the video context. But I am open to other settings, if that is more comfortable for you. I want to document how the state (through institutions like welfare, justice, etc) treats trans people, and effects trans people's ability to be themselves and meet their needs. I was inspired by the "it gets better videos" going around the internet right now. They often don't address the way trans people's lives are effected by the state; did this get better for you as you got older? What do you think of the "it gets better videos" as a trans person? Send me an if you have any questions or would like to participate. Or if you would like to just discuss these topics it is something I am really interested in. If you know any organizations that are relevant, let me know. That would be appreciated. Contact me at melody_sage@ Thanks Peace
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